Building A Better Marriage Through Attunement
This building a better marriage idea continues with the idea of turning toward your spouse and recognizing your spouses’ invitations for connection. If you click this post on emotional connection, you can learn more about what bids of connections are and examples of what they can look like.
As I continue along this important principle of bids we offer our spouse for connection, I also offer this idea for consideration.
The idea of attunement.
Building a better marriage & attunement?
What’s attunement?
Attunement is the ability to be empathetic and supportive of your spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. To be able to respond to your spouse’s needs with warmth, understanding and love. To be able to understand and to be able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes to better understand them.
First step toward building a better marriage & attunement?
One way to begin leaning into the bids our spouse extends is to learn more about your own bids. To learn more about your own needs and feelings.
When you can begin to put your feelings into words you can communicate more effectively with your spouse. When your words are more about what you’re feeling than about criticism or blame, you offer a gift to your spouse of connection. A gift of getting to know and understand you more. And hopefully your spouse will also begin to open up as well.
If you’re unable to articulate your feelings, please know you’re not alone. Many people struggle with naming what they are feeling. Many people are more in their heads managing their day to day. As opposed to in their body feeling their feelings.
If you’re interested in learning more about what you’re feeling, please consult a professional therapist. They can help.
Second step toward building a better marriage & attunement?
Once you have an opportunity to begin putting your feelings into words and can express them to your spouse without blame or criticism, the next step is for your spouse.
The attuned spouse’s role is to then listen openly. Without judgement, without trying to fix, or becoming defensive and dismissing.
If you can listen from a curiosity perspective. From a stance of wanting to learn more about what your spouse is going through. Then you can truly give the gift of empathy.
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
Blog is intended for education and informational purposes only.
