Communication for Couples – Tip for Connection
Seeking first to understand can be hard to do but this one communication for couples tip is really important.
While it’s important for us to be understood by our spouse or partner, it’s also important that we understand where they are coming from also. This is especially true after an argument or tiff.
Seeking First to Understand – Communication for Couples
Communication for couples is one of the most common issues I see in my psychotherapy private practice. Really hearing and understanding each other can be hard at times, especially when many life stressors are also present.
This can be hard for couples. Wanting to connect but not knowing how. Unsure how to talk with each other. And when you try to communicate, it seems like you’re either talking over each other or thinking about what you’re going to say and not truly listening.
It’s natural to want to be heard by your spouse or partner. To be able to say what you need to say. To be able to express your point of view and how you’re feeling. But, when we’re in this state of mind, it can be hard to hear what your partner has to say.
You might be thinking about the next thing you’re going to say and completely missing what your spouse is saying.
This impacts any ability to truly understand the others point of view. And can make it hard to repair after a disagreement.
Remedy to this:
- Seek first to understand where your spouse is coming from
Try to listen from a stance of curiosity. You will be able to express your side, which is very important. But, if you can start from a point of curiosity and openness. A stance of wanting to understand your spouse, then you are helping them learn how to do the same for you. As you seek to understand your spouse, they will seek to understand you.
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
*Blog intended for educational and informational purposes only.