Communication in Marriages – Why is it so hard?
Communication in marriages is one of the most common issues I see in my practice.
When two uniquely individual and different people join together and form a relationship, there are going to be disagreements. There are going to be arguments that pop up. There are likely going to be disappointments and misunderstands.
I often hear couples judge themselves and their interactions with their spouse by saying something like:
“I don’t seem to have a problem communicating with co-workers or friends. Just my spouse!”
And while that might be the case, it is true that – communication with spouses is different than communicating with others. And, communication in marriages can be really difficult!
It’s hard work to try and understand where each other is coming from while also managing your own emotions. Communication includes many things to simultaneously focus on – and that’s not easy!
You’re focusing on body language, tone of voice, facial cues…
So many things are going on in addition to the words that are spoken.
It can be a lot for couples to manage.
Healthy Communication in Marriages
When communication is hard between you, it can start to feel like it will always be this way. You might be losing hope that things can or will change between you. Resigning to the idea that communication in marriages is hard work and might be too difficult to fix.
It’s natural to feel defeated and frustrated by the thought of always communicating in unhealthy ways. Communicating in ways that leave you feeling lonely. Feeling misunderstood. Feeling tired and emotionally/physically drained.
While communication in marriages might be hard at times, healthy communication is possible. But both partners have to be willing to look within themselves, to identify their communication patterns. And, both have to be willing and open to change.
Both have to be open to change within themselves. And change within their communication patterns.
One Step Today Toward Positive Communication in Marriages
Consider for a moment…taking one step today toward changing the way you communicate with your partner. What would this look like?
This first step may take some time as you fully become aware of how you communicate with your partner during various circumstances.
Awareness – First Step Toward Improving Communication in Marriages!
The first step toward any change is awareness. And it’s no different when we are looking at changing communication in marriages.
Take inventory of how you interact and communicate with your spouse.
Notice how you interact and communicate when things are going well.
- What’s happening between you that makes this smooth and easy.
- How are you talking with your spouse.
- What’s your tone of voice like.
- What’s your nonverbal communication like.
- Are you making eye contact.
- Are you in close proximity to each other.
- Is your face friendly and welcoming.
Notice how you interact and communicate when things are stressful.
- What’s happening between you that making you feel tense. Or stressed.
- What’s your nonverbal communication like during these times.
- What’s your face and eyes communicating to your partner.
- What’s your tone of voice like.
- Are you blaming your partner.
- Are you name calling.
Simply start becoming aware – fully aware – of all of the different ways you communicate with your spouse.
Include both positive and fun times. And, difficult and hard times. Through this awareness, you may begin to identify small action steps toward changing the way you communicate with each other.
If you’d like help with your relationship and with communication in your marriage, please contact me.
Help is available.
*Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only.