Newly Engaged – Just the Beginning!
Congratulations on your engagement! Getting engaged can be the most exciting time, it can also be a source of stress…counseling before marriage can be a wonderful gift as you take this first step toward your life together.
May the following information be helpful as you begin this next chapter in your relationship and as you build communication skills to enhance your relationship.
Counseling Before Marriage Can Help with Living Together Struggles
As couples begin living together, struggles can occur around how certain situations are handled in your home. It can be frustrating when you want something done a certain way and your partner doesn’t.
Counseling before marriage can help! But, you can also begin dialogue between you whether you decide to begin counseling or not. Here are some ideas on how to start.
How can this be fixed?
One place to start is by knowing each other’s background.
How well do you know each other?
How much do you know about how your partner grew up?
What were their family rules, those that were spoken and unspoken?
Knowing each other’s upbringing can be extremely helpful in understanding where each other is coming from and can help you both develop how you’d like to be moving forward as a couple.
The following five topics are intended to simply begin a dialogue between you and your fiancé. To begin learning more about how each of you grew up and the rules that guided your behavior while living at home.
It is intended to offer an opportunity to open and enhance the lines of communication between you.
Topic One: Family Rules
- What rules did you have growing up?
- How did you know they were rules?
- Were there certain spoken and unspoken rules you had to follow? (Unspoken rules are those that were just simply known within your household and were usually “spoken” through a look or some other type of non-verbal communication).
- In what ways do these “rules” impact your relationship?
- How will you decide what your “family or house rules” will be?
Topic Two: Emotions
- How were disagreements or arguments handled in your home growing up?
- Did your parents or guardians disagree or argue in front of you? Or, behind closed doors?
- Was it ok to show when you were frustrated, angry, or sad?
- Was it ok to cry? What were the “rules” or messages around this?
- How does this impact your relationship?
Topic Three: Accomplishments
- How were accomplishments celebrated or acknowledged?
- Or were they minimized, not made into a big deal?
- How do you celebrate accomplishments in your relationship?
- How would you like them to be acknowledged / celebrated?
Topic Four: Affection
- How was affection shown (such as hand holding, hugging, kissing)?
- Did your parents or guardians show affection toward one another?
- Was affection shown publicly or only in private?
- Was it ok in your home to show outward signs of affection such as hugging, holding hands, etc?
- How is affection shown in your relationship?
- How would you like it to be shown?
Topic Five: Finances
- How was money handled in your home?
- What were the rules around spending?
- Around acquiring debt?
- Who typically paid the bills?
- How will you decide how to handle the finances in your relationship?
Some premarital couples find it helpful to have these conversations during couples therapy. If you’re considering counseling before marriage, please feel free to contact me to set up an appointment, 512.550.7918 or anna@counselingwithanna.com
Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only.
