3 Tips on How to Talk More with Your Spouse
Who among us doesn’t want an attuned marriage? A marriage where you know your partner understands you and actually wants to know you…
Here are some tips that can help you talk more with your spouse to have the marriage you want!
Tip 1: Put the Phone Away
Yep, put your phone away. Turn it off. Put it out of sight. Whatever you need to do to not have the added distraction of a phone next to you when you’re wanting to have a more intimate and attuned relationship.
By dedicating time to talk and listen to each other. To look into each other’s eyes as you share your thoughts…like you used to do when you were first married…this is the time and place to be present with your beloved. Not connected to your phone.
Tip 2: Say What You Need
If you’re wanting to talk more with your spouse, it’s important to be able to talk openly about what each of you need.
One thing I hear often from couples is: “he/she should just know!” “They should know what I want!”
There may be times when your spouse does actually know what you’re needing and can be there for you. But more times than not, this isn’t the case…because we just can’t read each other’s mind.
We have to be willing to be vulnerable and be able to say (out loud) to our partners what we need. This can be incredibly hard to do. Especially if you’ve never had anyone actually step up to meet those expressed needs before. Or, if you simply don’t know what you need…but no matter the circumstance, there are ways you can communicate what you need even if you don’t know exactly what it is you need.
How do you do this? It first starts with the belief I have that even if you don’t know exactly what you need, there are some things that you know could help you. It first starts with tuning inward. See what you are feeling inside. You might not have the words but you might be needing some type of comfort (for example) that could be requested by asking for a comforting hug.
Tip 3: Small, Thoughtful Things Often
When it comes to being able to talk more with your spouse, it’s important to establish a foundation of friendship. A foundation for your relationship that conveys how important the other is to you. One way of doing this is through small and thoughtful things often. Some examples of this include saying out loud to your spouse how much you care about them. Expressing your appreciation and gratitude for all they do. Writing a thoughtful message and placing in their work bag before they go to work. These are just simple yet important ways to let your spouse know you care about them.
Reaching Out for Help
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
*Blog is intended for informational and educational purposes only.