Marital Sex – Does it have to be boring?
Sex after marriage – there are many messages out there that imply marital sex isn’t as fun or as often as it was during the dating period. But, is this true?
Martial Sex and Desire
Marital sex can be wonderful between two spouses. The bond created through your commitment to each other can have a great impact on the quality of your sexual relationship.
For many couples, as their relationship deepens, they naturally begin moving into more “love” talk versus “desire” talk. And while loving talk is wonderful and necessary, so too are words that convey desire for one another…
What’s the difference?
Think about when you first started dating. You might recall the way you would talk with each other. You might have used language that was more about attraction, desirability and wanting. And as your relationship grew, you might recall how your language might have changed toward more affection, nurturing, and warmth.
Both equally necessary…
But for this blog, I want to focus on how desire can impact marital sex positively.
Desire Talk
Steps toward incorporating desire talk to boost your marital sex:
- Begin becoming comfortable talking about sex
- Begin becoming comfortable with sex or “sexy” talk
Talk about sex with each other.
- What you like, what you don’t.
- What do you fantasize about.
Having a space where you both can begin to open up to dialogue about sex can be very beneficial for couples. But don’t forget one very important ingredient needed when talking about sex with each other:
- Be kind – this isn’t a time to criticize or blame each other! Instead, this is a wonderful opportunity for connection. For opening up to your wants and needs and those of your partner. To discuss what feels good and what doesn’t.
Sex or sexy talk
Begin becoming comfortable with sex or “sexy” talk
Sex talk is different then talking to your partner about sex. This one is about becoming comfortable with talking in language that stimulates both you and your partner. That gets you in the mood.
Difficulty with this…
It’s not uncommon for couples to have some struggle around how to do this. Some might not feel comfortable with talking about their sex life or using sexual language. For any couples struggling with this and wanting help, please consider contacting a couples therapist or marriage counselor. Relationship help is available…
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only.