Learning How To Respond to Your Spouse
When you’re spouse reaches out to you, do you know how to respond? When they are needing emotional support, do you know how to comfort?
Here’s an example:
When you’re spouse comes home from a long day and is opening up about how hard work has been lately. Do you know how to provide reassuring comfort instead of trying to “fix it” or telling them “this too shall pass.”
Sometimes it’s really hard to know what to do because when we are feeling feelings of insecurity, we typically don’t ask our spouses for a warm, loving hug. We don’t typically say, “Honey, I’m feeling insecure. Could you hold me?”
Many times, the way we communicate these feelings are in the form of criticizing someone at work. Or talking about how burned out they are. So it’s completely normal to comfort in the way of listening and trying to find ways to help fix it so they feel better. Many times we can go into problem solving mode.
But really, what they are really asking for is a nurturing embrace. One that let’s them know you care. That they are loved. And that you are there for them.
Step Toward Being There for Each other
So what do you do then when you’re spouse is needing comfort but it’s coming in the way of sounding stressed out and maybe you’re starting to get defensive.
First step is to say to your spouse what is going on for you.
You can let them know that you are there for them, what they are saying is important, and that you want to listen but it’s hard to do when you’re feeling anxious because their tone is getting amped up.
By saying what you need so that you can be there emotionally for them, you’re putting up a little white flag that says, I am getting a bit flustered and this sometimes gets us into an argument. Please help me so that I can be emotionally present.
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
*Blog intended for educational and informational purposes only.
