How do you and your spouse make up after an argument? Do you talk about what happened? What each of you were feeling? How you can move forward after learning more about each other?
If you answered no to these, you’re not alone. It’s really hard to repair after an argument. And for many couples, they may want to make up but might not know exactly what they need to say/do to make things better. To repair with each other.
There’s one very important ingredient to repairing after a fight. If couples can master this, they can learn so much about each other. Creating such beautiful intimacy and knowing how to care and love each other.
Making Up After a Fight With Your Spouse Key Ingredient…
Vulnerability.
Vulnerability means being able to talk with your spouse from a stance of not trying to be right. Not trying to prove them wrong. Not trying to look good. It’s being able to talk with your spouse from a sincere stance. From a stance of not trying to convince. Not trying to control. Not trying to anything….
Simply, vulnerability needed for making up after a fight with your spouse is about being able to say:
“This is what triggered me.”
“The reason this triggers me is (it reminds me of when…or it makes me feel…)”
“And when I heard you say…I felt….I thought….”
Being able to talk in these ways offers the gift of letting your spouse really see you, know you. To understand what it was like for you during the argument.
Vulnerability also means be able to do the same for your spouse. To be able to ask them, what they were feeling. What they were thinking. What their triggers were. And what they need from you moving forward.
Being able to talk to each other in these ways offers such a different way for spouses to communicate. Allowing room for intimacy to grow. (In – to – me – you – see)
Needing Help Communicating and Repairing After a Fight
For some couples, it might be helpful to seek help from a marriage counselor. Through marriage counseling, a trained marriage counselor can help you both walk through the steps needed to repair. To help you both slow down and really understand what the other is saying. To really hear them and know them moving forward.
This is true intimacy. And this is what marriage counseling with a trained marriage counselor can help with.
Please reach out today if you’re struggling and need help.
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
*Blog intended for educational and informational purposes only.
