
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
I often get asked this question when I meet new people and I’m asked the inevitable “get to know you question” which goes like this…
“So. What do you do?”
After hearing I’m a marriage counselor and couples therapist, it’s usually followed with, “Oh!”… and then …”Does marriage counseling work?”
Such a great and complicated question!
I wish I could just say YES! Absolutely! And that’s it! But, it’s more complicated than that. And, has to do more with you than you might originally think.
To help answer: “Does marriage counseling work?”
Marriage counseling has the potential to help couples willing to put in the hard work! But, it starts with you! Not just your partner, but you too…
Both partners must be willing to put in the time, commitment, dedication and change needed.
TIME
Time is an important piece toward working on your marriage.
Both partners have to be willing to put in the time to:
- Make marriage counseling sessions a priority
- Attend marriage counseling sessions
- Spend time together outside of sessions
- Spend time reacquainting yourself with your spouse
- Spend time reconnecting with having fun and laughing with each other again
- Spend time reflecting on the kind of partner you want to be
- Spend time reflecting on what’s needed to make becoming the partner you’d like to be a reality
- Spend time identifying what type of relationship you want
CHANGE
Both partners have to be willing to change! Not just one.
Marriage is a dance you are both in – together. It’s not a solo dance. So each of you must be willing to look within yourself and within your relationship to determine what’s needed for healing, growth, nurturing and change.
And…it’s my job as your marriage counselor and couples therapist to help you identify and work toward your desired relationship goals!
Your relationship is uniquely yours and I am skilled and able to help you move toward having a relationship that’s based on what you both want moving forward…
What Are You Willing To Do?
To determine – does marriage counseling work – you’ll have to decide what you’re willing to do during the marriage counseling process and after.
Meaning, what are you willing to do while in marriage counseling sessions?
- Are you willing to dig deep and take an honest look at yourself, your needs, your behaviors/actions/interactions, and your relationship?
- Are you willing to learn new ways of really hearing your partner? Of really trying to understand their point of view? Feel what they are feeling?
- Are you willing to learn new ways of communicating your needs and points of view to your partner in a way that doesn’t include blame, name calling or guilt?
What are you willing to do outside of marriage counseling sessions?
- Will you practice what you’ve learned during your sessions at home?
Self Reflection
Wherever you are right now – whether you’re contemplating starting marriage counseling – or already seeing a therapist – self reflection is important.
Self reflection that focuses on:
- What you want out of your sessions
- And, what goals you have for yourself and for your relationship
Upon self reflection comes communicating what comes up for you.
Communicating this with your marriage counselor during sessions and communicating this with your spouse.
Your marriage counselor can help you move toward becoming the partner you wish to become – through learning new skills and new ways of communicating and interacting.
And, by being open, honest, and vulnerable with your spouse, you’re helping him or her learn more about your values, hopes, dreams and relationship vision.
*Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only.