Did you know most of our communication is nonverbal communication?
With that being said…Do you know what your nonverbal communication and nonverbal cues are communicating to your partner?
Often times, many communication issues in relationships can spark from how what we are saying doesn’t match up with what our nonverbal communication is saying.
For example, our body language may be conveying an entirely different message than the words coming out of our mouth.
Our body language – the expressions conveyed on our face, the way we look at our partner (or don’t look at our partner), the tone of voice used, our body posture – speak volumes to our partners.
Nonverbal Cues Don’t Stop When You Stop Talking
We are sending nonverbal messages all the time to our partners!
Attention to Nonverbal Communication Can Help Your Relationship
Paying attention to the congruency between your words and your body language can be a first step toward improving your communication.
Congruency (do your words match your body language) can be important for couples because it can help build trust.
Think about times when your partner might be saying something that doesn’t align with their nonverbal communication.
Do you question whether what they are saying is actually what they are feeling?
Do you get confused because you are receiving mixed messages?
If you’re continuously getting mixed messages from your partner, or if you’re continuously giving mixed messages, misunderstandings and disagreements can easily spark.
Now think about times when you or your partner says something that aligns with their nonverbal cues.
How do you feel then? Is it easier to believe what they are saying?
Example of Congruent Communication:
A partner verbally says
- “I love you”
And, their nonverbal communication
- Face is soft, mouth is smiling, eyes are gazing into yours, and arms are open for an embrace
This type of congruency can make it easier to believe what your partner is telling you.
Example of Incongruent Communication
A partner verbally says
- “I love you”
And, their nonverbal communication
- Face is tight, they roll their eyes, and arms are crossed
This type of incongruency may make it harder to believe what your partner is telling you because their nonverbal cues don’t match their spoken words.
Attention to Nonverbal Communication Details
As you continue to evolve in your relationship and enhance your communication, I hope this helps bring additional awareness into an important aspect of your communication.
If you find you need additional help and are considering couples therapy or marriage counseling, please feel free to contact me.
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT Associate
Serving Austin Area for Couples Therapy.
Serving Austin Area for Marriage Counseling.