Tip for Couples
I’m often coming across books and websites that give a tip for couples and I thought I would spend some time offering one that I think is very important.
Especially now that the holiday season is upon us and feelings of gratitude are plentiful, the following tip for couples offers an opportunity for gratitude to continue to build within your relationship.
Gratitude can profoundly change the way we view our relationship. When we can begin to start seeing all that we actually do for each other and all that we are trying to do to love, hear and understand each other, gratitude becomes even more plentiful.
So, here is one tip for couples that I hope inspires and helps promote gratitude in your relationship.
Tip for Couples #1
Be on each other’s side…
Ok, so what does this mean? And how do I do that when I don’t agree with what they are saying?
Here’s what I mean regarding being on each other’s side.
When your spouse comes home and begins to tell you about their day and is upset or annoyed about an interaction they had, that is the time to be on your partner’s side. Meaning, to listen and take their side and not the side of the person they had an interaction with.
Here’s an example…
Say your spouse comes home and says: “My boss told me that I don’t have a good attitude at work and that I am not giving my all lately.”
And for you…you’re thinking yep, that’s the same here at home! I have all of these things I need you to help with and they aren’t getting done. And I feel like you have been negative lately whenever I am talking to you.
But the question is…do you say that??? Is this the time to have this discussion?
I’m going to suggest…no!
When your spouse comes home and wants to tell you about their day, that’s actually a bid for connection. A bid for emotional connection. What is desperately needed during these times is to be on the side of your spouse.
To say something like: “How were you during this discussion? I think I would have been upset, but I’m wondering how you were?”
Just having some curiosity about how your spouse is. And what their experience was like when this happened, can greatly shift things between you and help him/her feel listened to by you. And that is a wonderful gift…
By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC
*Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only.
