Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Marriage Counseling

Posted: December 14, 2015

If you've been in a relationship for a short period of time or have been together for many years, do you still take as much interest in your spouse or partner as you did when you first met and began dating? Why am I asking this? I’m asking because I’d like to offer the invitation, if you choose to accept, of getting you thinking in terms of

how well do you know your significant other and how well does he/she know you

because it’s important for the health of your relationship, important for helping combat feeling lonely in your marriage, and important for helping with healthy communication in your relationship. Tell me more… Showing sincere interest in your spouse/partner isn’t just a one time thing you did when you were dating or early in your relationship. And, if inadvertently, it’s become that, my hope is that after reading this you might reconsider. For a healthy relationship to blossom, showing interest in each other is life long and continues to grow and evolve over the years. As you and your partner evolve, so does your relationship – and each need nurturing. When we feel truly seen and heard by our spouse/partner, it has a profound impact on our emotional safety within our relationship. When partners feel equal in terms of how they relate to each other and how they show interest in one another, meaning each feels the other truly knows them and is interested in them, room opens up for a long lasting relationship to grow and a healthy relationship to thrive. Partners begin to share parts of themselves with each other, their hopes, their dreams. Both partners can begin to risk being vulnerable and in this risk, intimacy can begin to grow and trust can build. Think about your experience in your relationship… Have you noticed this to be the case? Or, are you longing for connection and feeling lonely in your marriage, as if your spouse/partner doesn’t know you or isn’t taking the time to find out? There are ways that you can move toward healthy communication in your relationship if you’re currently feeling this to be stagnant.

First, become aware of patterns that currently exist in your relationship. For example, do you greet each other when coming home, do you carve out time to eat dinner together when possible, do you go to bed together, how do you show affection toward each other, how do you let the other know they’re special to you, etc.
Once you become aware of what your current landscape looks like, then you can begin to move toward identifying what it is you need to feel less lonely in your marriage, to feel more connected, to have the long lasting, healthy relationship you desire
As you consider your needs, you might also think about what you’re spouse/partner might be needing also and can begin to have a dialogue about this together
Working with a couple therapist can also help you both learn more about what’s getting in the way of having the healthy relationship you desire

If you are in the Austin TX area and want relationship help, contact me at 512.550.7918.