It's Valentine's Day: Are You Putting Spark Back Into Marriage?

I'm often asked about - once people hear I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor that specializes in working with couples - ways toward putting spark back into marriage? So, I thought I would post some tips on how to rekindle marriage. Putting spark back into marriage is so important for a healthy and satisfying relationship. But the key to this is also knowing what works for your relationship! What does putting the spark back mean to both of you? This is an important first step in identifying how to rekindle marriage. Since all marriages are different. It must begin with what works for both of you. And knowing what "spark" actually entails is the first step. As this can mean different things to different people. You might think it means one thing and your spouse might have a totally different idea. So, start by opening up communication with your spouse around this important subject. Sometimes this can be vulnerable to do. So, if you're finding you need help, please consider seeing a couples therapist or marriage counselor for support.

Putting Spark Back Into Marriage - Tip 1

Tip #1 is what I mentioned above - identify what this means for you. And, identify what this means for your partner.

Rekindle Marriage - Tip 2

Date / Court each other again!

How long has it been since you both - not just you - or not just your spouse - but both of you put energy toward dating again. Toward doing courting behaviors again.

Rekindle Marriage - Tip 3

Reconnect with each other emotionally by going down memory lane. Discuss what it was like when you first met. The feelings you felt. The reasons you fell in love with your partner. Your favorite things to do together. If you're married - listen together to your wedding song - and reconnect on all of the ways this song is/was special to you both.

Rekindle Marriage - Tip 4

Pet names! Do you have pet names for each other?

Pet names are an example of one way your partner is special to you. It's a term of endearment that makes you feel connected.

Putting Spark Back Into Marriage - Tip 5

Maintenance!

How committed are you toward maintaining the behaviors necessary to rekindle marriage? Really think about this one. The more committed you are, the more you'll align with how you want to be in your relationship. Increasing the chances you'll be likely to continue it...long after Valentine's Day.

Putting Spark Back Into Marriage - Tip 6

Laugh and have fun together!

I'm going to link to another post on long lasting marriages that focuses more on this one.

Rekindle Relationship - Tip 7

Communicate with each other!

You can't mind read your partner's mind. And they can't read your's either. No matter how long you've been together or how well you both know each other, don't fall into the trap of mind reading and assuming you're right. For many couples, communication can be really hard to do. Some couples might avoid talking about important issues and some might enter into these discussions only to have them end in criticism and blame. If communication is an issue in your relationship, please consider seeing a professional therapist. There is help available that can help change the way you talk and listen to each other.

Rekindle Relationship - Tip 8

Put continuous effort/energy toward putting that spark back!

Just like you put energy toward other parts of your life. (For example, your children, your career, etc.) Think of your relationship needs as well. If your relationship could speak to you verbally, what would it be saying? What needs does your relationship have in order to keep it alive?

By: Anna McElearney, LMFT, LPC, NCC *Blog is intended for informational and educational purposes only.